il@l@ng

been a while since my last confession… hehehe…
Gak tau karena malas, gak punya ide atau just becoz i just too tired…
I feel this kind of feeling as soon as i return to jakarta. I’m not sure what is the reason? I just feel empty, alone and not sure about almost everything.
Just got a job but i just don’t feel right with it, so I let it go…
Try to have a descent relationship but I feel something missing between us..
My friends, well, I just don’t feel to socialize right now…
Gw pikir gw gak akan kembali ke fase ini lagi, tapi apa mau dikata???
So, what to do??? i’ don’t fu@#! hav a god da#@$@  clue!!!
I wish someone can tell me what i should do or even feel now…
I just don’t like what i feel right now…

by: Atlantic Star

Girl you are to me
All that a woman should be
and I dedicate my life to you, always
A love like yours is rare
It must have been sent from up above
and I know you’ll stay this way, for always

And we both know
That our love will grow
and forever it will be you and me

Ooh, You’re like the sun
Chasing all the rain away
When you come around
You bring brighter days
You’re the perfect one for me
And you forever will be
And I will love you so, for always

Come with me my sweet
Let’s go make a family
And they will bring us joy for always
Oh boy I love you so
Can’t find enough way to let you know
But you can be sure, I’m yours, for always

And we both know
That our love will grow
and forever it will be you and me

Ooh, You’re like the sun
Chasing all the rain away
When you come around
You bring brighter days
You’re the perfect one for me
And you forever will be
And I will love you so, for always..

…gw pengen lagu ini jadi theme song on my wedding… kapan yah???

pulang?? itukah yang aku inginkan??

pulang?? setelah begitu lamanya aku berlari..

ketika kedua kakiku sudah begitu terbiasa terus bergerak…

apakah arti pulang bagiku??

ibu?? bapak?? adik-kakak?? sanak saudara??

apakah karena cinta??

pulang!! dengan kekalahan atau kemenangan??

pulang!! karena itu pilihanku…

pulang!! karena ku ingin bebaskan diriku dari rindu…

pulang!! kedalam kamu…

Menghabiskan waktu bersamanya…

tanpa mencoba menutup diri, tanpa mencoba menarik diri

Kubiarkan hati dan diri ini dihujani segala rasa yg dicurahkan olehnya

membiarkan diriku merasakan cintanya kemudian pelan-pelan meresapi kasih sayangnya

Tak lagi mencari-cari alasan untuk menghindar, utk sembunyi

semua indera kubuka untuk menerima kasihnya

sentuhannya, ciumannya, pelukannya, bisikan sayang darinya menelusup masuk dari setiap pori di tubuhku

panas tubuhnya, degup jantungnya, mencairkan hati yang mulai membeku

melalui matanya dapat kulihat kembali warna-warni dunia

sentuhannya membuatku merasa hidup

ciumannya membuat diriku merasa begitu berarti

pelukannya membuatku merasa bahwa didunia ini aku tak sendiri, kita berdua bersama

apakah dia lelakiku yang sesungguhnya??

hanya Tuhan yang tahu…

Thank you, great leader George W. Bush.

Thank you for showing everyone what a danger Saddam Hussein represents. Many
of us might otherwise have forgotten that he used chemical weapons against his
own people, against the Kurds and against the Iranians. Hussein is a
bloodthirsty dictator and one of the clearest expressions of evil in today’s
world.

But this is not my only reason for thanking you. During the first two months
of 2003, you have shown the world a great many other important things and,
therefore, deserve my gratitude.

So, remembering a poem I learned as a child, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for showing everyone that the Turkish people and their parliament
are not for sale, not even for 26 billion dollars.

Thank you for revealing to the world the gulf that exists between the
decisions made by those in power and the wishes of the people. Thank you for
making it clear that neither José María Aznar nor Tony Blair give the slightest
weight to or show the slightest respect for the votes they received. Aznar is
perfectly capable of ignoring the fact that 90% of Spaniards are against the
war, and Blair is unmoved by the largest public demonstration to take place in England in the last thirty years.

Thank you for making it necessary for Tony Blair to go to the British
parliament with a fabricated dossier written by a student ten years ago, and
present this as ‘damning evidence collected by the British Secret Service’.

Thank you for allowing Colin Powell to make a complete fool of himself by
showing the UN Security Council photos which, one week later, were publicly
challenged by Hans Blix, the chief weapons inspector in Iraq.

Thank you for adopting your current position and thus ensuring that, at the
plenary session, the French foreign minister, Dominique de Villepin’s anti-war
speech was greeted with applause – something, as far as I know, that has only
happened once before in the history of the UN, following a speech by Nelson
Mandela.

Thank you too, because, after all your efforts to promote war, the normally
divided Arab nations were, for the first time, at their meeting in Cairo during the last week in February, unanimous in their condemnation of any
invasion.

Thank you for your rhetoric stating that ‘the UN now has a chance to
demonstrate its relevance’, a statement which made even the most reluctant
countries take up a position opposing any attack on Iraq.

Thank you for your foreign policy which provoked the British foreign
secretary, Jack Straw, into declaring that in the 21st century, ‘a war can have
a moral justification’, thus causing him to lose all credibility.

Thank you for trying to divide a Europe that is
currently struggling for unification; this was a warning that will not go
unheeded.

Thank you for having achieved something that very few have so far managed to
do in this century: the bringing together of millions of people on all
continents to fight for the same idea, even though that idea is opposed to
yours.

Thank you for making us feel once more that though our words may not be
heard, they are at least spoken – this will make us stronger in the future.

Thank you for ignoring us, for marginalising all those who oppose your
decision, because the future of the Earth belongs to the excluded.

Thank you, because, without you, we would not have realised our own ability
to mobilise. It may serve no purpose this time, but it will doubtless be useful
later on.

Now that there seems no way of silencing the drums of war, I would like to
say, as an ancient European king said to an invader: ‘May your morning be a
beautiful one, may the sun shine on your soldiers’ armour, for in the
afternoon, I will defeat you.’

Thank you for allowing us – an army of anonymous people filling the streets
in an attempt to stop a process that is already underway – to know what it
feels like to be powerless and to learn to grapple with that feeling and
transform it.

So, enjoy your morning and whatever glory it may yet bring you.

Thank you for not listening to us and not taking us seriously, but know that
we are listening to you and that we will not forget your words.

Thank you, great leader George W. Bush.

Thank you very much.

 

"Now I realize the secret of making of the best person, It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth…"~Walt Whitman~

07apr07

Left the house heading to ERL station Salak Tinggi. On the way I have breakfast Teh Tarik and roti canai at kedai Kak Long. Take the 0830 train to KL Sentral and drop off at Bandar Tasik Selatan Station. As arrange before, Akyna’s friend name Atan will pick me up at the station. I grab a newspaper, a bottle of mineral water and a pack of chewing gum then wait for him. He arrive at 0945. After a quick introduction we heading to Cameron Highland with his jungle Feroza. Cameron Highland, the land of the land rover here we comes.

About four days before

I am reading Sunday Times at KLIA and at the back of the paper I saw 2 guys and 1 woman leaning against gold Landrover. I read the article and find out that it’s about Daniel from the LOnewolf transglobal expedition. The woman is Alyna, an offroader and also secretary for LROM (Land Rover Owner Club of Malaysia). LROM gonna have 10th anniversary bash on April 7-8. On the bottom of the news they put Alyna’s number for anyone interested to join them. I just dialled the number without knowing what to expect, hahaha….
When I heard her number I just knew that i’m gonna have a wonderful time to join them. Alyna is very friendly and said it’s more than ok to welcome me and ask me  afew question about my activity. So, it’s settle then, I could join them, a group of land rover owner that i never knew and the lonewolf. I’m very excited about this…

back to 07Apr07

Atan is a quite interesting guy. He is a photographer for outdoor activity especially for 4×4 adventure. Because we have same passion about outdoor so getting along is not a problem. He’s one of the core team for Rainforest Challange. The long trip approximately four hours doesn’t seem long. Although we have a bit jam while going out from KL Highway. We arrive at Cameron Highlands around 0200 and  we  try to find  Rose Cottage to see Alyna and have ourselves registered. Cameron Highlands is a nice place. The air is fresh and the surrounding is very green. It’s like Puncak in Bogor or Lembang in Bandung. I see what Atan said that Cameron Highlands is land of the landrover. Everywhere i look there’s landrover. It becomes there daily transport and vehicle as the people are farmer and landrover is very suitable for they use.
After few talk with Alyna we go to the fun drive site as atan need to take photo. The site for fundrive is just nearby and the trek is not long. We could see the whole trek from the start point. Some of the participant have problem with the mud on the first challenge point. They have to use winch to help the car. One of he car got stuck at a hole. They have some effort to move the car. But, generally the fun drive is great and everybody happy.
After taking picture for the fun drive, atan have to take picture for the coloring contest for the kids as well, so, we headed back to Rose Cottage. When we arrive a lot of kids already busy with their coloring pencil and the paper. It’s so interesting how very serious they are with the work. The parents are helping them as well. It’s quite heartwarming to see the family get together in the outdoor .
Around 1900 the fun drive finish and we start clean up and prepare for the party. The lamb already on the grill since morning with Loren managing it. I really can’t wait to taste it.
After everybody clean up and feel fresh again, we started the party at the back of the cottage. They put the video about LROM activity for the past 10 years. It’s really good to have a hobby club last that long. I find it interesting to watch the video about expedition, the people, the charity activity and others activity.
After the video finish, someone start the ceremony. There are some opening talks from the President of LROM and the founder of the LROM. Before we continue they decided to have a dinner first then continue to the next activity.
Well, we couldn’t more agree as we all starving. So, everybody line up to take the food and especially the lamb.
After we all quite full and don’t know what to eat anymore we continue with the giving prize for fun drive, honorary prize and door prize as well. I’m quite lucky that i got Rainforest Challange hat. The one who won the fun drive is a local offroader from Cameron Highland.
I’m having a really great time as the people really welcome me. I met the Geduut Club from terengganu. I met journalist from 4×4 Wheel Drive. I met Daniel the lonewolf. I met Richard and Dwyer from antipodean adventure. I met keith and his wife from UK. I met families that bound together with the same passion over a landrover. But, I think it’s more than that. It’s about loving the nature and cherish them for the sake of our children. Keep the faith!!

08apr07

The wake up call is 0930 and I’m ready at 0800. The plan is we going to see the Orang Asli settlement to do some charity program. But, Atan and En.Azhar and Bg Ayub from 4×4 wheel drive can’t join because they some other thing to do. So I follow them going back to KL. We have some interesting happening while heading back to KL. We stopby at few places for taking picture. The problem having trip with photographer is they always have something interesting for them. But, i’m not complaining, because i like their company and the place we visit is interesting for me as well. We stop at Gn. Brinchang. It’s nearby and quite easy to reach as for the last camp can be reach with any kind of car. We try to climb a bit but find it quite long to climb all the way up for it takes 3 hours and it’s very cold in the forest. The vegetation is very damp and wet. It’s not easy to find that vegetation on that very reachable forest. I’m content with it.
We start to move again around 0200. Going back to KL. The trip is a lot of laughing and a lot of teasing for the guys are quite funny. And we have these walkie talkie for each car to have some teasing and to do some berbalas pantun along the way. But, the pantun are not right and the rhyme are all over the place. Like  I said, It’s a laugh… Going back home feeling really happy and recharge again…

And in your eyes I see ribbons of color
I see us inside of each other
I feel my unconscious merge with yours
And I hear a voice say, "What’s his is hers"

I’m falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

I was afraid to let you in here
Now I have learned love can’t be made in fear
The walls begin to tumble down
And I can’t even see the ground

I’m falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

Falling like a leaf, falling like a star
Finding a belief, falling where you are

Catch me, don’t let me drop!
Love me, don’t ever stop!

So close your eyes and let me kiss you
And while you sleep I will miss you

I’m falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

Falling like a leaf, falling like a star
Finding a belief, falling where you are

Falling into you
Falling into you
Falling into you

Seether:
I wanted you to know that
I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away…
I keep your photograph
I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause im broken when im lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You gone away, you don’t feel me, anymore

Amy Lee:
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away…

Cause I’m Broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone…
You gone away, you don’t feel me here anymore

gw lg nongkrong di distro temen gw di KL ketika disodorin selebaran berwarna hijau seukuran kertas f4 dengan tulisan hitam besar,"BAHAYA ANCAMAN BLACK METAL"

Selebaran ini konon di disebarkan oleh salah satu NGO di Malaysia yang bernama Teras Pengupayaan Melayu (TERAS), whatever that means??.

Isisnya memang bikin gw jadi geli and malu sendiri. Kok ada yah orang yang secetek ini pikirannya. Mencari kambing hitam untuk menutupi kemerosotan moral muda-mudi di Malaysia khususnya dan dimanapun tempat2 yang ada influence musik black metal.

Diselebaran ini di halaman pertama tertulis tajuk tebal,

BAHAYA ANCAMAN BLACK METAL

BANTERAS SEGERA! JANGAN BERTOLAK ANSUR!

Teras PEngupayaan Melayu (TERAS), F1014B, Kampong Pondok Batu Hampar, 08400 Merbok, KEdah Darulaman, Tel/Faks:+604-4571712, email: azmi58@yahoo.com

Di halaman dua tertulis gejala dan tanda bila seorang anak sudah teracuni black metal, tertulis;

IA BERLAKU BILA…

1. Hilangnya keyakinan diri kepada budaya sendiri

2. Terikut dengan pengaruh genre muzik yang bebas dan liar

3. Remaja dipengaruhi lirik-lirik lagu yg agresif dan menarik perhatian remaja dengan manjanjikan kebebasan abadi

4. Timbulnya muzik-muzik baru tanpa sekatan (sensor) yang masuk ke negara sekaligus membentuk budaya dan fahaman serta ideology baru di kalangan remaja dan pelajar.

BBERHATI-HATI…

1. Jika anak-anak kita yang ghairah dengan muzik dan lagu yang merosakkan

2. Jika anak-anak memakai aksesori seperti rantai berlambang pentagram berbintang lima atau tanda salib terbalik

3. Jika anak lelaki mempunyai lekukan dibawah bibir hingga ke dagu

4. Jika anak perempuan memakai gincu berwarna hitam dan berperwatakan liar

di halaman tiga tertulis…

BILA TERJERAT, AKIBATNYA

1. Akhlaknya tercemar karena perangai (tingkah laku) yang hilang budi pekerti

2. Akidah gugur karena janji kepada Allah dilanggar

3. Keluarga hancur karena tiada lagi pertalian yang dihormati

4. Masyarakat rosak karena generasi muda hilang maruah (martabat) diri

5. Negara kucar (berantakan) karena pewarisnya yang dicemari

AKHIRNYA MEREKA INI

1. Memuja syaitan berkepala dan darah kambing hitam

2. MEnjadi Yahudi dengan memuja syaitan BEthomeh (nama syaitan dalam bible)

3. Ke kompleks membeli belah (mal) untuk berpelesiran dan bergaul bebas

4. Menjadikan wang raja dalam kehidupan, mengumpan (membujuk) ahli baru (anggota baru)

5. Menganuti lirik pemujaan syaitan, caci maki agama, menggalakan bunuh diri dan fahaman bebas

6. Menggunakan gimik (simbol) yang dicipta untuk membangkitkan keberanian diri yang seasalnya dalam ketakutan (mandi darah, dsb)

7. BErsumpah taat setiap biar sanggup tinggalkan keluarga, asal jangan tinggalkan metal

8. MErosakkan akidah rakan-rakan lain untuk ditarik terjerumus dalam perangkap syaitan dan musuh Islam

Di halaman terakhir tertulis..

PERANAN ANDA

IBU BAPA

1. Luangkan lebih masa bersama anak-anak

2. Mengawasi aktiviti harian anak-anak

3. Mengambil berat (memperhatikan) tentang:

Dengan siapa mereka berkawan, pakaian yg dipakai, memastikan ia mengamalkan amalan agama dengan sempurna, kemana mereka menghabiskan waktu lepas sekolah

PIHAK SEKOLAH

1. Adakan program pemantapan pribadi dan jati diri pelajar

2. Wujudkan lebih banyak aktiviti bertujuan utk pelibatan pelajar selepas sekolah

3. Patikan penyertaan pelajar dalam aktivity kerohanian di sekolah

4. KEtatkan undang2 dan bertegas dalam tindakan disiplin

5. PEranan konseling harus lebih menyeluruh, efektif dan terpadu

KERAJAAN (PEMERINTAH)

1. Haramkan lagu-lagu dan film liar

2. Mengenal pasti kedai yang menjual aksesori black metal

3. Membuat pengawasan yang lebih

MASYARAKAT

1. Perlu lebih peka terhadap perubahan dan kejatuhan akhlak remaja masa kini, serta bertindak menggembleng institusi masyarakat membasminya sebelum ia membarah (parah)

Terus, gak lupa dia juga menyelipkan ayat al Qur’an  disana-sini.

Gila bener nih orang, gimana coba kalo black metalist yg ada baca selebaran ini. Yang ada ngamuk lah, orang yg diomongin nonesens!

Kebetulan temen gw yang punya distro punya abang yang punya group band yang aliran musiknya kurang lebih metal-metal juga. Gak ada tuh tanda-tanda yang disebutkan di selebaran itu terlihat di mereka. Yang ada mereka orang-orang yang bersopan-santun, open minded and sayang keluarga. Gw gak tau yang bikin selebaran dapat ide darimana?? Mungkin ada sebagian orang yg melakukan hal2 tersebut diatas dan kebetulan mereka suka dengan musik black metal, tapi bukan berarti semua pemusik black metal dan fans nya juga rusak.

Kalo soal moral anak muda yang rusak itu mah masalahnya jauh dari black metal. Emang aja orang tuanya gak bisa ngedidik atau masyarakatntayang hipokrit atau mungkin lingkungan ajah yang  mengkondisikan si remaja jadi rusak. Slogan "Ayo bakar CD dan kasetnya gak akan merubah apapun!"

So, stop mental cari Kambing Hitam!! And start utk berkaca dan mempelajari apa masalah sebenarnya???

Gw cuma mau mengetengahkan suatu wacana yang ternyata nyata di masyarakat kita. Apakah kita serendah dan sepicik itu??? Semua terpulang pada hati dan pikiran masing-masing….

Hidup BLACK METAL!!!!!

Denting yang berbunyi dari dinding kamarku
sedarkan diriku dari lamunan panjang
Tak terasa malam kini semakin larut
Ku masih terjaga

Sayang kau dimana aku ingin bersama
Aku butuh semua untuk tepiskan rindu
Mungkinkah kau disana merasa yang sama
Seperti dinginku di malam ini

Reff
Rintik gerimis mengundang kekasih di malam ini
Kita menari dalam rindu yang indah
Sepi ku rasa hatiku saat ini oh sayangku
Jika kau disini aku tenang

~~melly goeslow~~