il@l@ng

Sudah January lagi… bentar lagi gw nambah tua lagi setahun, hehehe… terus apa???

Kayaknya standar banget pertanyaan yang keluar. Pengen melangkah lebih jauh tapi kayaknya kaki lemes banget. Pengen terbang lebih tinggi tapi gak punya sayap. Pengen nyelam makin dalam tapi gak punya insang. Rencana tinggal rencana…

Sebentar lagi kontrak gw selesai di KLIA, gak tau juga mesti nerusin atau enggak. Mimpi gw yang dulu begitu nyata ingin gw realisasikan kayaknya udah gak penting lagi. Gw bisa dibilang udah gak punya sesuatu yang bisa bikin gw terus berjalan. Norak yah!!! But it’s just the way i feel right now. I just don’t have any reason to go on. It’s like my life lost it’s meaning. What should I do to regain the spirit that i used to have?

I need to step back and put all in to new perspective now maybe…

I never realize how much losing him going to effect my life until now. I thought I fall in love with him, things didn’t work out then move on. It doesn’t work that way. After all the hurt inside, the crying and the broken heart i have to face the fact that now I need to rearranging my life without having him as part of the plan. It’s just sucks!!! I thought by having close to someone else going to make the picture of him slowly fade away. No fucking way!! What make all seem to getting even worse is the way i feel right now about myself. I feel defeated, I feel unwanted, I feel empty, I feel that I’m not good enough to be loved. I keep questioning myselves what’s wrong ith me? what did I do to be treated like this? Am I that pathetic that he doesn’t want me??

I told myselves over and over again. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! Get a grip and move on!!!! I wish it’s that easy… but it’s getting harder and harder each fucking day!!!  God, I miss him!!!